The Seeker’s dinner on Thursday was a fascinating look at the composition of St. Bedes. Technically, the topic was “organized religion,” which turned into a somewhat one-sided debate about how bad organized religion is. Which is ironic since the debate took place at a dinner in our church.

I’m honestly not a fan of organized religion. I think it’s potential for being psychologically damaging (see: fundamentalist) is not outweighed by its social good. Especially nowadays, I think it detracts too much from rational knowledge (see: intelligent design). Its community organizational purpose is still valid, but organized religion has lost some of its poise as a governmental check (in a typically American paradox).

Still, there are some good aspects, mainly related to community building I feel. But I think St. Bede’s is rare– the group we assembled has half a dozen Stanford Ph.D students, two doctors, and several other highly educated individuals (Lindsey’s husband John once joked that if a meteorite wiped out one of our dinners, the face of American intellect would be forever altered). That we could assembly, thoroughly disassemble organized religion, yet at the end go away with a feeling of communion is not something to be replicated again.

A lot of my beliefs are colored by life experiences– weird pressures exerted on my parents when we first moved to the States, as well as my own encounters with evangelicals in New Mexico (along with the usual smattering of Catholics, Mormons, and, uh, Farah). These are, I have to say, generally negative experiences (with the exception of the parenthetical clump). Even the services Christina and I attend on Sundays are not 100% comfortable to me–reciting things sounds, at best, droning and, at worst, cult-ish. I enjoy the singing, mainly because when else could I sing? I enjoy the food and gathering with other intelligent individuals. But that actual “organized” part? Meh.

Still, I understand the merits of all these aspects, just as I understand that historical precedence is often what drives these arcane rituals that I dislike so much. I am still uncomfortable identifying with a wider religious community, precisely because I do not want to be associated with the ignorance and bigotry that often discolors faith. It took me a lot of willpower to change my Facebook identification from “Pastafarian” to “Episcopalian.” And I never really properly told my parents; what in the world would they say?

So, I think its a developing idea for me, being categorized, especially because I’m influenced so heavily by Buddhist thought and tradition. I wouldn’t say I’m 100% Buddhist, either. I think the most I could say is that it’s really hot in this room, and I have to stop typing now.